“I need a shark” I hear that often from clients who think that the way to win in a child custody case or a divorce is to hire the nastiest, meanest, most abrasive, and aggressive lawyer they can find. They want to make the other person’s life a nightmare. There are times when being a shark is appropriate.
“I just want out” is a frequent comment from the men that I represent. By the time a man comes into the office of a lawyer he’s usually already made up his mind to get a divorce and is willing to give her anything she wants, just to be free. Big mistake. Huge. He’s looking to give up way too much for his peace of mind.
“I’ve moved out, and now I’ll settle for 50/50 custody of the kids.” Yeah, not so much. Unless your ex is a travelling saleswoman, you’re not going to get a court to give you 50% custody when you leave the house. The other statement I hear a lot is, “She’s not a fit parent, and I want full custody.” If she really is dangerous, you should not have left, but rather turned her in to the child protection agency, or sought a restraining order protecting you and the children.
Those are three scenarios that I frequently come across and they illustrate the different roles that I play as a lawyer.
Sometimes I am a shark and have to be extremely aggressive and relentless. I had that in a case where I knew that the ex-wife had remarried, but denied it so that she could continue to collect alimony. We hired a private investigator and kept digging until we found the proof we needed to stop paying her alimony. We spent many thousands of dollars but saved over a hundred thousand.
Other times I have to be a protector of my client, against his own wishes. I have to fight with him to make sure he doesn’t give up too much to achieve peace. Men don’t value money and possessions, they are usually of the mindset that they will just go earn more money and buy new stuff. But there’s no reason why they should give up more than half in a divorce, and it is frequently my job to make sure that they don’t.
THE VOICE OF REALITY
Fathers want to be an active participant in their children’s lives. But what they don’t realize is that they must fight hard and strategize long before a breakup to make sure that their rights will be respected and honored, not by the mother, but by the court. Men need to know what their options are, and their legal rights and obligations, before they make any drastic changes in a family law situation. The biggest mistake most men make, is to act first, seek counsel second. When they do that, i have to be the voice of reality that explains to them why they have already lost the war and they didn’t even know they were fighting.